At the top of my lungs

Do you know what it feels like to know, I mean KNOW that something is wrong with your child and have no one else believe you or care?

I do.

That’s what my day has been like. We’re going on hour 12 of knowing that there is absolutely something wrong with our daughter and it feels like no one cares.

Maybe they care, but not enough to satisfy me. Not enough to be in a hurry to do something. Not enough to feel what I feel.

I’m mama. I know my child. She may be only 3.5 half months old. She may have spent 70% of her life in a hospital, but I know her.

And I know when something is wrong.

Something is wrong.

She won’t look at me.

She doesn’t respond to my voice…or my husband’s.

She won’t hold my finger.

Something is wrong.

I’m angry.

I’m scared.

I’m worried.

I still have faith. I still trust God…..but I still feel all those things.

I’m human.

And right now, I just want someone to figure out what is wrong with my baby….and fix it.

Right now I just want to scream……at the nurses. At the doctors. At my husband. At myself. At no one really in particular. At this stupid “condition” (if you want to call it that) that keeps hurting my baby.

I’m not angry at God, but I have a lot of questions.

There it is.

I told you I was going to be honest here.


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