If I’d known how to ask

Countless times in the last months I’ve been asked “What do you need?” My answer has most often been, “I don’t know.”

As the writer of the blog post I recently read says, “I knew I needed, but I didn’t know what. I didn’t know how others could help me through, or even if they could….

This is how I would have asked had I known how to do so…..Walking A Friend Through A Child’s Major Illness (click to read).

If I’m totally honest, however, I’d have to make an amendment to the “Let me hide” part. Sure, there were hours and days when I preferred to hide and not talk – either so that I could hold it together….or just sleep. But truthfully, what I mostly felt when we were in the hospital (and even the short times we were home) was just the opposite. I wish MORE people had called me. Called instead of worrying that they would be bothering us. Instead, we often felt (however untrue it may be) that people didn’t care because they didn’t call. I don’t say that to complain. I say it for the benefit of those that may not understand or have been there.

Is it bothering someone to let them know you care? Or that you are thinking of them? Some days that’s all I’ve needed to know – that someone cared. Some days, I just needed someone to talk to. Sure, I could have picked up the phone and called someone…and sometimes I did, but that’s not the same. Not the same as someone taking the time to call me. Taking the time just to let me know we were loved.

Yeah, we know we are loved. We know people are praying. We know people care.

But when you are in the thick of it, you forget sometimes.

Sometimes, that little phone call can mean the world…even if I don’t answer the phone.

Sometimes just a voicemail saying, “Hi, we’re thinking about you” can mean the world.

Sometimes just the name on the caller ID is encouragement enough. Enough to say, “Someone cares.”

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2 comments on “If I’d known how to ask

  1. Thanks for sharing my article.

    You are right, about the hiding. I was thinking primarily of the days we were actually in the hospital, awaiting tests and brain surgery, when it was ALL i could do to put one foot in front of the other. I didn’t want to be on the phone with someone and feel pressured to hold it together so THEY wouldn’t worry about me. But before that, in the day to day trials, I am glad that people did NOT let me hide entirely- because I easily could have been consumed by trial that way. I might have forgotten that there was an outside world at all.

    Prayers for you, and may God bless you with those who care for you through your trials as well. May He surround you with reminders of his love, with ‘grace with skin on’ (that’s how I think about the people he sends me!) so that you are comforted and upheld.
    Blessings.
    Emily Cook
    http://www.weakandloved.com

    • fullymothering says:

      I totally agree. There were days that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. To put on a brave face (or voice). But there were also times I wanted people to call or visit. I know it is partially my fault b/c we prevented visitors for so long b/c of her weak immunity, but it got really lonely living in the hospital, and I needed contact other than the drs and nurses. Some friends said, “Well, you know you can call anytime you need someone to talk to,” and I did that sometimes, but there is something about have a friend call you and knowing that you were on their mind. That you weren’t just calling them and unloading your world of troubles on their shoulders. I guess that’s what I needed sometimes. I had one very good friend who did that for me, and I’m so thankful for her. I know God brought our lives back around to each at just the perfect time. He knew what each of us needed.

      Anyway, thank you for ALL of your comments. It’s wonderful to know others understand at least some of what we have been through, and the mission of my blog is to do that same thing for others.

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